Saturday, July 23, 2005
Uninvited, Out of Bounds
"But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight"
~Alanis Morissette
My therapist cancelled my last scheduled appointment before we leave for CT to clean out my mom's apartment. I've been highly anxious, volatile, and ill, and was having an emotional day, needing the session. My therapist couldn't come because she scheduled an appointment before mine and her doctor was running late. I tried to find out if we could find time for another session before we leave but she had no time for me. In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that she was having a garage sale today. I got excited, knowing she'd be selling quality items and probably nice jewelry. I asked her when and where it was, but she wouldn't tell me, saying something about keeping our (therapist-patient) boundaries.
I found the probable address and time of the sale in the classified section of the paper. I really really really wanted to go.
Knowing that anyone in the world who wanted to go to this garage sale was welcome except for me made me cry more than I've cried in weeks. I kept sobbing, "It's UNFAIR! It's UNFAIR!" Because it was and is and ever shall be. I'm angry and depressed and crazy. I needed that session. And I needed to know that I could go out and do something fun, reminiscent of my former life, to feel like I'm not such a disabled shut-in, knowing that it would be fun and worthwhile going to that garage sale.
But I, I'm not allowed, I'm uninvited...an unfortunate slight...indeed. Another in a lifetime of rejections...
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight"
~Alanis Morissette
My therapist cancelled my last scheduled appointment before we leave for CT to clean out my mom's apartment. I've been highly anxious, volatile, and ill, and was having an emotional day, needing the session. My therapist couldn't come because she scheduled an appointment before mine and her doctor was running late. I tried to find out if we could find time for another session before we leave but she had no time for me. In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that she was having a garage sale today. I got excited, knowing she'd be selling quality items and probably nice jewelry. I asked her when and where it was, but she wouldn't tell me, saying something about keeping our (therapist-patient) boundaries.
I found the probable address and time of the sale in the classified section of the paper. I really really really wanted to go.
Knowing that anyone in the world who wanted to go to this garage sale was welcome except for me made me cry more than I've cried in weeks. I kept sobbing, "It's UNFAIR! It's UNFAIR!" Because it was and is and ever shall be. I'm angry and depressed and crazy. I needed that session. And I needed to know that I could go out and do something fun, reminiscent of my former life, to feel like I'm not such a disabled shut-in, knowing that it would be fun and worthwhile going to that garage sale.
But I, I'm not allowed, I'm uninvited...an unfortunate slight...indeed. Another in a lifetime of rejections...
